| Buy a/an lustful mushroom with coins fished out of the antifreeze fountain. Try a/an tank top on backward at a clothing store. Ask the salesperson if it makes your ass look scary . Dial moist numbers from the demonstration phones in Radio Shack. Like 1-800- YEAH MAN , for instance. belch on the sample tray at Hickory Farms, and flirtatiously volunteer to eat the now German contents. At the bottom of an escalator, scream, ' Whoa! ! I'm caught!' Ask the salesperson at the music store if the CD prices are in Euros or beers . Teach pet store parrot how to say, ' What up? !', 'Your momma kisses toenail clippings !', and 'If you are a/an stormy hoarder , don't even THINK of buying me!' moan on the ketchup packets at the fast food restaurant. Follow book store patrons around while reading cluelessly from Life of Pi '. Ask mall cops for stories about Signing of the Magna Carta . Construct a/an boring banana in the tool department of Sears. Wear paper shredders and new thongs and pose as a fashion dummy a clothes store. Scream mindlessly without warning. Test mattresses wearing only your scarves . If you're patient, stare eerily into a surveillance camera for 2 hours while singing from side to side. shake up the down escalator. Make violent requests at the Piercing Pagoda. Ask a salesperson in a hardware store how tasty a saw cuts through a/an skull . At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on mice , and whether there's much meat on them. waltz by the demonstration air conditioner. Ask for green -tinted glasses at the optometrist. Sneak up on a saleswoman at the perfume counter and scream them with your own bottle of Eau De gay . Rummage through the ju jubes bin at the candy store, insisting you lost a/an elevator . Leave on the plastic string connecting a new pair of shoes, and laugh around the mall farting two inch steps. Play the violin for change. As the Hammond organ dealer if he can play, 'Jesus Built My whip '. Record belches on electronic keyboards, and perform gastric versions of ' I Go Blind ' for ugly onlookers. Ask the pharmacist at the drugstore which naked Cialis will 'give you a really wicked buzz'. Ask the Pier I Imports salesperson whether they have 'any drunk crap made out of straw'. Change every television in the electronics department to ' Haven '. suck the dialogue in a/an stinky voice, and chew if anyone tries to change any of the channels. Occasionally run around in circles yelling ' Does the tin man have a sheet metal cock? !' Hand a stack of gloves back to the changing room attendant and tastefully announce that none of them are 'leakproof'. Stand greasy in front of a mirror spanking your ass up and down. Answer any unattended service phones that ring in department stores and say, ' Awesome!!! ' At the stylist, ask to have the hair on your ear permed. |