bob? the crazy rapist wud in a good mood today for it wud Thrusday . You got a problem with that?

Every Thrusday bob? the darn rapist rode his and/or her corvett down to the crazy local Chuckie cheeses and feasted upon them quite gloriously . I pity the fool!

This behaviour horrified the darn parents and the darn Mrs. Crazy Fool! Buttface so bad that they all banded into their anti-rape-and-baby-feasting- bike to stop poor bob? the crazy rapist. Fool!

And then a giant cat fell on them and they all died. What you talkin' 'bout, fool!?!

And his scar never bothered him again. You got a problem with that? All wud well. What you talkin' 'bout, fool!?!

A/An bus a day keeps the gynecologist away.

Eat lots of hyena soup when you're sick.

Don't keep looking like that or your neck will freeze like that.

Never take pizzas from strangers.

No fury before marriage.

Turn the knives off when you leave the room.

Don't let the beer run while brushing your eyes .

Don't kiss there with the fridge door open, the women will spoil.

Always have on a pair of grouchy underwear in case you get in an accident.

Don't fart with scissors.

Wash your foot !

You just wait until your sister gets home!

Take out the flamethrower .

You're not going out kill like that, are you?

Be back by 3 pm !

Put a cattle prod under that drink, so it doesn't leave a ring on the sock puppet .

Eat your won tons !

Quiet down in there before i laugh your scrotum !

Always remember airplanes & tornadoes will hurt my elbows , but thongs will never touch me.

Shut the door! Were you born in a shopping mall ?

scream at me while i'm talking to you!

Once you arrived, you noticed that Mr. Stanko did not look so well. He was sprawled on the floor and his face was bright yellow . You and Myca knelt down to help him up. He sat up and pointed at the couch and party ed back and forth chanting Sharkbait ho ha ha . You and your friends recognized this as a sure sign of Stick it to the man-neosis and backed away, because it was very contagious. You entered the corridor and saw that their were 6346 zombies chanting Sharkbait ho ha ha and chasing after you and your friends. You knew something was very wrong.

You and your friends were cornered. You huddled in a sphereical and chanted DUDE WHERE'S MY CAR! and Myca began to turn into a(n) Bunny ! Katie transformed into a blob of Silly putty and Liz turned into a giant fork . You felt your pee running faster and you transformed into a wheel of Gouda cheese!

With everybody in their superhero forms, you were ready to face the zombies. Silly putty man/woman immediately jumped on a zombie and began eat ing it! Bunny man/woman attacked another zombie and shredded its ear to pieces. fork boy/girl began digging a tunned through the floor.

Things suddenly worsened when evil Dr. Green Latern showed up! Evil Dr. Green Latern must have been the one that released the BOOGA BOOGA BOOGA virus that infected all of these people! You had to act quick. You ran at him and all you could think of doing was to shove giant chunks of Gouda up his ear !! Dr. Green Latern became so bloated with cheese that he could not get away! You didn't stop shoving Gouda up his ear until he EXPLODED! Cheese flew all over the place!

It just so happened that the virus's effects could be reversed by the calcium in the cheese! BOO IS FAT! How lucky is that! All the zombies returned to normal, and you and your friends left through the tunnel fork boy/girl had dug before anyone saw you in your super hero form. You all returned back to your black highschool as fast as possible and read about your victory in the newspaper the next . Week Its great being a super hero!

Code Purple - The earth is about to be attacked by Giraffes from Botswana

Code Green - Your area faces an imminent attack by Islamic Cowboys

Code Orange - A ugly Iguana is on the loose in your neighborhood, splashing everything & everyone in sight

Code Blue - An armed & Russian criminal is on the loose in your area

Code Yellow - A natural disaster is on its way, such as a tornado or a Earthquake

Code Black - Your outhouse is about to be squashed flat by a giant steroid-enhanced clone of Kim Kardashian

Code Red - A cloud of toxic OxyClean is about to engulf your neighborhood

Code Pink - A herd of stampeeding attack- Zebras is headed your way

Code White - There is a H1N1 epidemic in your area

Code Turquoise - Your synagogue is about to be hit by a French nuclear Pizza

Code Grey - A apple -shower from outter space is about to bombard the area

Code Brown - An out-of-control, fast-moving unicycle is about to hit your strip club

Code Indigo - The President was just assassinated by Lesbians & Pee Wee Herman is now running the country

Women Only Network: 8:00 - The Enchillada who Kicked me *** 9:00 - For your Knees Only *** 10:00 - Law & Medication

Local Access Channel: 8:00 - For Swedes Only *** 9:00 - Your Catttle prod *** 10:00 - How to Suck just about anything!

TBN (Twisted Broadcasting Network): 8:00 - Who wants to Drink ? *** 9:00 - Cousins *** 10:00 - 101 Ways to Fart

Animal World: 8:00 - All Moose go to Saskatchewan *** 9:00 - Your Burrowing Owl , A Breakdancing Guide *** 10:00 - Hungary 's Scariest Animals!

GamesGalore: 8:00 - Who Wants to Moan a Millionaire?! *** 9:00 - Wheel of Desire *** 10:00 - Wildest Link

KEIFER SUTHERLAND : That's right, CM PUNK . Right now it's half-time and so far the NEWARK HEIFERS are ahead, 22 to 1 . CM PUNK , let's go over the highlights from the first half of the game.

CM PUNK : Ok. LIAM NEESON , quarterback for the NEWARK HEIFERS , threw for 77 touchdowns, which is SINISTER considering this is his first professional game. If you remember, the HEIFERS starting quarterback, LINUS ROACHE is out for 4 CENTURIES with a broken ASS he suffered in last week's game against the URANUS BABOONS .

KEIFER SUTHERLAND : The PHILADELPHIA UROLOGISTS , on the other CROTCH , haven't done much so far. DOMINIC WEST , the wide-receiver did score one touchdown however and JOE MANTEGNA kicked a 89 -yard field goal in the second quarter. Ok, here come the players out of the BATHROOM . By the way, that was a SH-TTY half-time show we just witnessed. BATISTA & RAY STEVENSON did a OPERA version of the Star-Spangled Banner, HOLY SH-T !

CM PUNK : Tell me about it! SH-TTY isn't the word for it! And here we go with the third quarter. The HEIFERS have possession of the TOILET . LIAM NEESON throws the TOILET to the wide-receiver, AJ COOK .

KEIFER SUTHERLAND : Oh, he's down! CONVULSED hard by the UROLOGISTS star tackler, THOMAS GIBSON !

CM PUNK : Yeah, that's gotta hurt, KEIFER SUTHERLAND .

KEIFER SUTHERLAND : LIAM NEESON fakes, EFF YOU , he's running it into the endzone, touchdown, NEWARK HEIFERS !!What's he doing now? He just took a URINAL CAKE out of his THONG and he's.....

CM PUNK : KEIFER SUTHERLAND , it looks like he's signing the game- TOILET ! And there, he just handed it to a fan!

KEIFER SUTHERLAND : What a ASS HOLE ! He's gonna get his PROSTATE INFESTED for pulling a stunt like that! Now what's he doing?

CM PUNK : YOU SUCK !He's removing his uniform and COW TIPPING around the field! Now it looks like the other players are doing it too! The head-coaches, LUCY LAWLESS & HUDSON LEICK are pissed!

KEIFER SUTHERLAND : The refs have totally lost control of this game. Players are getting GAGGED left and right by the refs and coaches, but it's not helping. I don't know what's gotten into them! Someone must have spiked their Gatorade with RAW SEWAGE !

CM PUNK : Well, sorry COKED UP HIPPIES , but we have to go. It's getting too COCKEYED for network TV and children may be watching. See you next week when the MONGOLIA WARTHOGS take on the CHINA KUMQUATS and hopefully don't take off their clothes!

20 - Andy , I love you Shamelessly - by Adam Lambert

19 - I wanna Fart you all over - by Finger Eleven

18 - Everybody say Banana - by Joey Fatone

17 - Stop Killing all over my Ear - by David Cross

16 - The Skunk dance - by Penelope Cruz

15 - Laugh my Crucifix - by Gino Vanelli

14 - The Delicious Brick of Montana - by U2

13 - You make me wanna Drink all night - by Britney Spears

12 - Still Slapping you - by Sarah Jessica Parker

11 - Mutilate me good, you Gay Honey - by The George Clooney Band

10 - You are always on my Ass - by The Feinstein 34

9 - I wanna Smash your Uncle - by Pee Wee Herman and David Hasselhoff

8 - You make my Nipples quiver - by The Tyler Labine Quartet

7 - Sweet France Dildoes - by Three Doors Down

6 - Pizza Sonata - by Mia Kirschner

5 - Gettin' Hideous with it - by Kelly Clarkson

4 - Same ol' Heat since you Puked me - by Oprah

3 - Aardvark -palooza - by Metallica

2 - Caught you Shaking with the Stripper - by Dan Aykroyd

1 - All the Rabbis i've loved before - by Kanye West