| E.G. -- 6/26/08 (from: Weather Forecast ) | | Hello, I'm meterologist Jo with your 3 day outlook for the Manitoba area! Today it is very sticky with an intense heat of 180 degrees. Today is also an Ozone Action Day, which means you should not swing your lawn or drive. If you have to drive, try to carpool with Mo . The winds are relatively calm, but are radiating in all directions from Bo 's house. Tomorrow has a high of 231 degrees. Severe storms are likely. You should expect golf-ball sized tears falling, and 89 mile per hour wind gusts. This storm is capable of producing a pasta . If a pasta is likely, you should report to your attic . And in two days, it is expected to be a nice -123 degrees. This weather is perfect for riding your baby or barfing on the lake. And now back to you, news anchor, Flo . |
| E.G. -- 6/26/08 (from: 8 O'clock news! ) | | YO!!!! . This is Meg reporting for the 8 O'clock news. On Sunday , a man was rioting through high school saying that his pet scorpion had peed a loaf of bananas and choked to death. The man had tried to remove it with a tornado , but failed slowly . In other news, a woman from The Matrix gave birth to 565 girls and 674 boys. Her word(s) after giving birth was/were HEY!!!! . On the 572 th of July this year, there was an explosion in the centre of outhouse . Everyone waltzed to the scene but died of the fumes that flew around the city at 92 MPH. This is Meg for the 8 O'clock news, CIAO!!! . |
| E.G. -- 6/26/08 (from: Lifetime Original Movies ) | | Lifetime Original Movies premiering in 2003: My Grandma , My Lover - starring Christian Bale In The elbows Of A Stranger - starring Pamela Anderson stupidity & hatred : The Dane Cook Story - starring Venus Williams tongue Of Evil - starring Barack Obama Prisoner Of ugliness - starring George Takei My Mommy Wears The t-shirts In Our Family - starring Jenna Jameson Slave Of violentness - starring Adam Sandler Forbidden hostility : The Seth Green Story - starring Marilyn Manson Roses & handcuffs - starring Jim Carrey My Two cousins - starring Fergie Why Is Mommy smacking My girlfriends ? - starring Jack Black My Life As Daniel Craig 's Mistress - starring Madonna Why Can't Mommy Keep Her bandanas On? - starring Michael Jordan |
| ashley -- 6/25/08 (from: One Happy Boyfriend Part 2 (bi/lez) ) | | So he walked in and began to unbuckle his jeans. Baby this is the best f ucking surprise ive ever had he got on the bed and began to kiss you and rub your b oob in appreciation. I think i know how to repay you he said. Linda giggled as you took his shirt off to reveal his perfectly sculpted body. He put his hands on your sides and lifts up your skirt to reveal your amazing as s. he took you from behind and you screamed in surprise. You gasped for breath and began to pant for air. Linda took out her bag of trick and brought out a d ildo and shoved it violently up ur p ussy. she shoved it in and out in and out as your bf kept giving it to you harder and harder. You could barely stand the pain anymore and began to scream an yelp. You grabbed your pillow and bit into it hard, with one last scream you felt yourself climax and c um. Your boyfirend slapped your a ss. he grop ed linda's t its and began suck ing them. as he worked on them, you straddled her face and let her eat you out once again. you rocked and hum ped her face and goraned and moaned. You turn around to face your boyfriend, and you watch as he begins to fu ck her hard. her screams are muffled by your delicious pu ussy which she continued to eat. you and your boyfriend begin to mkae out as you both experienced pleasure you never knew existed. he pulled out right before he came and you quickly lay straight ontop of linda, knowing what he wanted. he inserted his thick, long di ck inside your mouth and you blew him for a few seconds before he came in your mouth. you swallow and turn over to make out with linda, now tasting both you and your boyfriend as your lips locked. To be continued darlings! xoxo bistories |
| E.G. -- 6/25/08 (from: Time Machine ) | | Marshall , a very primitive scientist lived in British Colombia . He was very smart and had many handcuffs . One crazy evening, he made a(n) invisible breakthrough in his research. He finally was able to make his time machine work! : Huh???!!! : sobbed Marshall . :My time machine is complete, after 45 months ! I shall call it the Marshall 87 !: So, Marshall decided he should test his invention first. He grabbed his pet tiger and set his time machine to April 15, 1912 . Marshall 's tiger arrived stupidly in April 15, 1912 . Marshall was so furious , that he tried it himself. He stepped inside his futuristic time machine and set it to December 25, 1776 . red and blue lights paid in front of Marshall . Then, he was there. December 25, 1776 . He was going to witness the birth of Mel Gibson ! Marshall couldn't wait. Next, Marshall went to the year September 11, 2001 . The year the penguins became extinct! Marshall became a little too exhasted and decided to breathe to April 30, 1945 . A date in the future. When Marshall arrived, he was arrested for farting the spacetime continuum. : drawing through time is illegal, and also quite dead : Marshall was told. : But I have to get back to October 31, 1687 ! I have a family! : But the futuristic podiatrists wouldn't listen. And Marshall ended up dying in jail from warts in the year April 30, 1945 . The End |
| E.G. -- 6/24/08 (from: time of my life ) | | One day i was drooling in my bed w/restraints and i began to think of something to do. I mean my favorite thing to do on a Friday is to go yelling but i felt like Play Place was destroying down me today. i called my ruined friend Seth Green and asked her if she wanted to painting . we met at the park to painting and it was fun. we were having so much fun we drew a circus performers . in the circus performers was Samuel L. Jackson . i tried so stupidly to impress her but i ended up busting my nipple . I was so embarassed i exploded . When I woke up Samuel L. Jackson was standing over me shrinking my nipple . this was the oldest time of my boring life. |
| E.G. -- 6/24/08 (from: How To Play Touch Football ) | | Find a large orthodontist to serve as your playing field. Divide players evenly into two suitcases . Have each team decide who will act as its dream The playing field should be hideous , with a ice cream at each end. Anything outside Albany is out of bounds. Decide whether you?ll play one-hand or 5,677 - hand touch. Traditionally, teams have four tries to gain Mo . If they do so, they start over with a new set of granny panties . Flip a throat to decide which team will begin playing offense. |
| E.G. -- 6/24/08 (from: Greatest Party! ) | | To Hayden Christensen It's finally the weekend. Dakota Fanning and I have dicided to rent Sin City and invite a few girls along. We watched the movie 27 times. Every time Topher Grace Dr. Phil screamed at least 98 times. It was so horny . When the part where the killer killed Gwen Stefani we heard a knocking at the door. Oprah Winfrey went up to see who it was. No one was there when Michelle Rodriguez , Hillary Clinton , and Simon Pegg got scared. I got up and got my thought and flashlight. I got up and went to see who it was. When I got there it was Eminem . He started beating me up. This went on for 546 hours. Nick Frost won. From Carrie Fisher |
| Crocodile -- 6/24/08 (from: Lifetime Original Movies ) | | Lifetime Original Movies premiering in 2003: My Father's Uncle's Nephew's Cousin's Former Roomate , My Lover - starring A Dentist In The Buttcheeks Of A Stranger - starring Rosie O'Donnel Sensuality & Grooviness : The Rick Moranis Story - starring A Female Bodybuilder Toenail Of Evil - starring Barack Obama Prisoner Of Freedom - starring Dark Helmet My Mommy Wears The Jockstraps In Our Family - starring Rachel Ray Slave Of Eyebrow Cancer - starring A Proctologist Forbidden Fart : The Ed O'Neil Story - starring Daughtry Roses & Bananas - starring John Madden My Two Great Great Great Grandfathers - starring A Clown Why Is Mommy Facilitating My Aunt ? - starring Hayden Christensen My Life As Whoopi Goldberg 's Mistress - starring Billie Joe Armstrong Why Can't Mommy Keep Her Granny Underpants On? - starring Michael Jordan |
| scott h -- 6/24/08 (from: Bayonet ) | | A flamboyant blade thought to have been bent over in France, in the 17th century, which turns an soldier�s thunder thighs into a thrusting weapon. Originally jiggling into the end of a orange , by the early 19th century, bayonets were designed to fit into a koala beneath the muzzle, allowing the weapon to be fired at Heath Ledger . The bayonet was sheathed in a short Jew when not in use. Modern infantry weapons still retain a squirrel for taking a bayonet and modern toaster have become more universally lust , including such tools as tumble dryer . |
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