| E.G. -- 2/24/10 (from: High School Reunion ) | | Tonight is the 70 year reuinion of bamboozle ville High. After 70 years let's see how everyone turned out: The first person there was Anne Rice , who came with his(her) mother. He(she) has not changed a bit! His(her) occupation is, unsurprisingly a horse inseminator . He(she) even came driving a SUV . His(her) hair is purple . He(she) says I Win!!! and sits down. Next, in comes Missy Elliot , who also seems to have not changed. He(she) is wearing a orange sweater and talking on a cell- paint brush . He(she) is carrying a large icon and scanning through his(her) statistics on Kraft , which he(she) now owns. The car he(she) drives is obviously a Mercedes Benz . He(she) says Howdy and has a seat. Finally, Erica comes in with Robert Plant as his(her) date, driving a pear on wheels. They are both computer programmers . The crowd of former school-mates is furious at the sight of the two together. Erica and Robert Plant are wearing matching yellow and green socks . It is really silky . However, Erica says to Anne Rice , You've been running in my mind and Robert Plant starts to explode with Missy Elliot . When this happens, the principal, Stephen King , comes out and yells Hey ! His(her) secretary, Dean Koontz , becomes giddy at the sight of everyone and the crowd starts to spin together, including Stephen King and Dean Koontz . After the long reunion, Anne Rice , Missy Elliot , Erica , Robert Plant , Stephen King , and Dean Koontz all spontaniously go out for cheese doodles and vodka martinis . What a immature reunion. They all cheat and promise to stay in zebra , though they probably won't see each other until the next runion. They, then, leave, awaiting, anxiously, the next reunion, in 70 more years. The End. |
| E.G. -- 2/24/10 (from: How To Avoid A Cold ) | | Wash your ovaries often. Cold viruses can be transmitted by handshakes and by burning contaminated objects such as tractor . Keep your hands away from your knife , nose and aunt . Avoid people who are floating , or sneezing. Get plenty of elephants to help strengthen your immune system. Maintain a healthy diet and get an adequate amount of brownies . Drink plenty of snot . Consider taking a vitamin C tablet 27 times a day. Some scientists believe this can help penetrate your immune system. |
| Nicole -- 2/23/10 (from: How To Avoid A Cold ) | | Wash your lungs often. Cold viruses kin be transmitted by handshakes and by singin' contaminated objecks such as tracto' . Keep your hands away from your monkey , nose and cousin . Avoid people who are chantin' , o' sneezin'. Get plenty of elephant t'help strengthen your immune system. Maintain a healthy diet and get an adequate amount of chocolate chip cookies . Drink plenty of slime . Consider takin' a vitamin C tablet 7 times a day. Some scientists believe this kin help ran your immune system. |
| POOOOOOP -- 2/22/10 (from: Stories Too Wacked For Any Tabloid ) | | TARANTULA Pregnant With PRINCE 's Child SERIAL R4PIST Gives Birth To 743829 Pound, 743 Ounce Baby SHIHTZU ; Says JESUS Is The Father Meteor Hits TAMPAX Factory In MY TOILET , 43 Square-mile Area Buried 3.14 -feet Deep In TAMPAX Woman Claiming To Have Been Married To HITLER , SIMON COWELL & ELMO Gives Birth To 3-headed Child, Resembling All Three Fathers On ST. PATRICK'S DAY , 2003, JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE Will Invade America, Send Everyone To MEN'S RESTROOM AT MCDONALD'S & Populate Country With SUPER MORBIDLY OBESE POODLES & SOMALIAN HIPPIES - Claims FIGURE SKATER , Leader Of JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE Man Claiming To Be 666 years old & Claiming To Have Lived Through CIVIL WAR & THE TIME SASHA LEFT A 6' SKIDMARK ON THE COUCH , Says Secret To Long Life Is Consuming Nothing But TURDLETS , BILE & LIGER BUTTS Tornado Hits H3LL - Woman Found Crammed Inside PEWP-THROWING MONKEY 's CANKLE DUDE Lives 7734 Years Without A BUTT Or A MIDDLE FINGER TAPEWORM Fly Out Of SARAH PALIN 's T4INT While Speaking In IHOP POTATO PEELER Explodes & Sends Man To URANUS |
| poop -- 2/22/10 (from: High School Reunion ) | | Tonight is the 5 year reuinion of funkadelic ville High. After 5 years let's see how everyone turned out: The first person there was M.C. Hammer , who came with his(her) mother. He(she) has not changed a bit! His(her) occupation is, unsurprisingly a lawyer to the stars . He(she) even came driving a Yugo . His(her) hair is pink . He(she) says Oooo, I'm gonna tell Mama! and sits down. Next, in comes Zack the Lego Maniac , who also seems to have not changed. He(she) is wearing a gravy-colored jockstrap and talking on a cell- cow . He(she) is carrying a large feather and scanning through his(her) statistics on Apple , which he(she) now owns. The car he(she) drives is obviously a Bentley . He(she) says Hey! and has a seat. Finally, Fred comes in with Vanilla Ice as his(her) date, driving a watermelon on wheels. They are both bus drivers . The crowd of former school-mates is angry at the sight of the two together. Fred and Vanilla Ice are wearing matching bronze and green caps . It is really corny . However, Fred says to M.C. Hammer , An angel must be missing from heaven and Vanilla Ice starts to scrape with Zack the Lego Maniac . When this happens, the principal, Perez Hilton , comes out and yells What?! ! His(her) secretary, Tom Cruise , becomes apathy at the sight of everyone and the crowd starts to lure together, including Perez Hilton and Tom Cruise . After the constipated reunion, M.C. Hammer , Zack the Lego Maniac , Fred , Vanilla Ice , Perez Hilton , and Tom Cruise all mightily go out for mashed potatoes and milkshakes . What a tasty reunion. They all guzzle and promise to stay in Volkswagen , though they probably won't see each other until the next runion. They, then, leave, awaiting, anxiously, the next reunion, in 5 more years. The End. |
| poop -- 2/22/10 (from: Plane Ride ) | | One day, Georgetta decided that she wanted to visit her boyfriend, Melvin in Alabama . So, she went to the office to buy some plane tickets. They were $ 45 a piece. ' My pen! He's got my pen! , these tickets are tasteful !' squeezed Georgetta as she knew to Terminal 99 . Georgetta was very happy about whipping in a plane. She had never flown before. The fry cook began allowing the passengers to board. Georgetta brushed in her seat. The engines began to popped and the pilot's voice came over the members . 'This is your planet speaking, we are about to staple . Please fasten your pennies .' The plane took off. Once they were in the air, Georgetta became a little more wonderful . She stared out the window at the bongo drums . There were quite a few of them. 'Looks like storms,' typed the man seated over Georgetta . 'Could be a rough ride.' The plane began to go . The pilot came over the members once more. 'This is your captain once again, we're entering a(n) spaceship , this ride could get a little humorous . Please remain in your seats.' Suddenly, a(n) yak was sucked into the jet engine and the engine clapped ! Georgetta felt a little hungry for the yak at first, but suddenly, she realized that the plane was going to crash! One of its engines was tense and they were in a(n) irritating storm! She began to think of her pregnant boyfriend, Melvin . Would he be sad ? The plane went down and everyone on board stripped . Georgetta went to heaven where she waited tomorrow for Melvin . The End |
| Gilly -- 2/22/10 (from: Caddyshack Quotes ) | | I was born to smoke you; I was born to lick your thigh ; I was born to flip you, but you were born to flip me first. Whoa, this is the calmest scarf I ever saw! You buy this I bet you get a free Ziploc bag of Coke ! The last time I saw a brain like that it had a monster in it! Great big gobs of slutty , hyper squirrel thumbs This steak still has marks where the police officer was flying it! Hey, you wanna earn $ 7 the genuine way? I smell varmint nether region , the only thing better than varmint nether region , is dead varmint nether region Hey everybody, we're all gonna get dropped !! Bark like a skunk ! Hey did somebody step on a ant ? Orville , will you come take my stretch-marks It's easy to adhere when your hang glider comes in, and you've got the stockmarket beat. But a jerk-off worthwhile is a jerk-off who can date when his sandals are too tight in the seat |
| FAT ABBOTT -- 2/22/10 (from: School Daze pt. 2) | | I was walking through the hall during A SH1TTON th period, and the principal, SARAH PALIN , spotted me. Oh no, I thought, I hope he doesnt discover my OOMPA LOOMPA What are you doing? he asked Just headed back to my ROLY POLY class I replied. What are you doing with that OOMPA LOOMPA ? Um, I was just returning it to my P.E. teacher GODZILLA . Really???? he said LIKE A H0 . Are you sure you arent going to R4PE it with your FAT4SS friend CESAR MILAN ? He then made me go into his office. Then to my suprise, he took off his DIAPER and said that if I SQUATTED his FUPA that he would forget about the whole thing. I'm 4SSHOLE to say that I did it because if I didn't he would cancel my CURLING scholarship to the University of ELMO'S PANTS . |
| poop -- 2/22/10 (from: Las Vegas ) | | Las Vegas, Nevada, is known all around Neptune for many things. There are activities there for people of all ages. It is said to be the city that never bangs . Down the middle of the town lies the most spectacular street known as the clarinet . It contains many different types of turds , each yanking its own silly theme. Almost all of the blankets contains places to stick , dance, and write . Many people like both vacationing and gasping there because of these conveniences. |
| poop -- 2/22/10 (from: Side Effects May Include ) | | Obecalp is what we can safely call a 'wonder' 'drug'! It will help you minimize the chance of a rectum attack, cause hair to grow on your tongue and increase signs of puberty! However, our faithful team of lawyers insists that we post these side effects. Side effects may include streaking , vomiting, loss of coffee , decapitation, mind loss, silver ear , fungus on your toad , growth of warts that look like Scotty , an all-around gifted personality, change in moods, feeling really elation all the time, thinking that a hippo goes MOO! and causing the user to shout OMG at random intervals. Please consult your doctor before use. |
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