| poop -- 2/22/10 (from: Side Effects May Include ) | | Obecalp is what we can safely call a 'wonder' 'drug'! It will help you minimize the chance of a rectum attack, cause hair to grow on your tongue and increase signs of puberty! However, our faithful team of lawyers insists that we post these side effects. Side effects may include streaking , vomiting, loss of coffee , decapitation, mind loss, silver ear , fungus on your toad , growth of warts that look like Scotty , an all-around gifted personality, change in moods, feeling really elation all the time, thinking that a hippo goes MOO! and causing the user to shout OMG at random intervals. Please consult your doctor before use. |
| vvvvvvvrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr -- 2/21/10 (from: Stories Too Wacked For Any Tabloid ) | | rhino Pregnant With Jack Nicholson 's Child figure skater Gives Birth To 12 Pound, 93 Ounce Baby moose ; Says Michael Jackson Is The Father Meteor Hits beer Factory In Israel , 8 Square-mile Area Buried 72 -feet Deep In beer Woman Claiming To Have Been Married To Jack Palance , Cher & Prince Charles Gives Birth To 3-headed Child, Resembling All Three Fathers On March 3 , 2003, Afghanistan Will Invade America, Send Everyone To Uzbekistan & Populate Country With hairy bats & Chinese Jehovah's Witnesses - Claims Kelsey Grammer , Leader Of Afghanistan Man Claiming To Be 833284 years old & Claiming To Have Lived Through WWI & Fall of Rome , Says Secret To Long Life Is Consuming Nothing But cocaine , mercury & giraffe lungs Tornado Hits Canada - Woman Found Crammed Inside shark 's ass woman Lives 82633256 Years Without A neck Or A head bison Fly Out Of Michael Ignatieff 's ear While Speaking In England spatula Explodes & Sends Man To Uranus |
| kjdghnsir -- 2/21/10 (from: All About Me ) | | (you can post this onto websites to make virgins think you're cool) Hi, my name is Bertha ! Online, I go by my username, possible Taco Bell girl 6 so please call me that. Some sappy facts about me. I love, love, LOVE deep-fried ice cream , I hate it when people say I am the one and only almighty bunghole! , and tend to get ecstatic when I am tickled on my toenail . I also own about 89357 cars and currently have 1 dates. What can I say, they dig me! ;) Email me at sticky George Bush lover@yahoo.net! I'll try to respond, but don't expect me to be really funky about it. See ya! :D :D :) :) |
| that was STOOPID -- 2/20/10 (from: Oh Canada! ) | | One grateful day, young Julian said SILENCE! I KILL YOU! ! I'm feeling very sour ! I'm going off to Canada to spend most of my life . So he went to ask his mom for some money.He said Mom, I need $500 to go to Canada .Her reply was Get lost, freak! !!! .So Julian went and asked his much older sister. Can I have $500 to go to Canada? he asked. Sure, my microscopic bro! her reply was and then she went and drained out her entire bra for him.Julian packed 88 bags and left in a unicycle for Toronto , Canada.When he got there the first thing he did was get a job as a bus driver .To the interview he wore a purple plaid flannel , black jeans, and yellow Pro Wings .He got the job but it only lasted 3 days .Next, he went out with Heather to Quebec but she dumped him for Ralph .Then he went to Natalie's house.They had a lot of fun dyeing each other's hair.Natt dyed Julian's hair gray with phthalo blue streaks.Julian dyed Natt's hair sap green with beige streaks.Then Natt and Julian went with Thelma to the playground to throw one another off the slide .Back in the US, Julian's mom was very peeved that her son left the country.She called O.P.P. and they came out,deported Julian, and took away his passport until he turns 32 . THE END |
| bob ross -- 2/20/10 (from: Stories Too Wacked For Any Tabloid ) | | grasshopper Pregnant With Lady Gaga 's Child nerd Gives Birth To 24 Pound, 69 Ounce Baby raccoon ; Says Elvis Is The Father Meteor Hits spaghetti sauce Factory In Maine , 8 Square-mile Area Buried 0 -feet Deep In spaghetti sauce Woman Claiming To Have Been Married To Michael Jackson , Brad Pitt & Bud Weiser Gives Birth To 3-headed Child, Resembling All Three Fathers On July 4 , 2003, trailer park Will Invade America, Send Everyone To Indiana & Populate Country With extremely hairy squirrels & Canadian carnies - Claims Tiny Tim , Leader Of trailer park Man Claiming To Be 99999999999 years old & Claiming To Have Lived Through War of 1812 & World War 2 , Says Secret To Long Life Is Consuming Nothing But pig slop , gravy & cow fat rolls Tornado Hits El Paso - Woman Found Crammed Inside goat 's testicle woman Lives 67 Years Without A knee Or A ovary spiders Fly Out Of Barney Frank 's neck While Speaking In Montana toilet plunger Explodes & Sends Man To Uranus |
| bob ross -- 2/20/10 (from: Mamma Says... ) | | Don't giggle too close to the tv, you'll hurt your thumb . A/An raisin a day keeps the taste-tester away. Eat lots of cheetah soup when you're sick. Don't keep looking like that or your head will freeze like that. Never take beer bottles from strangers. No moral turpitude before marriage. Turn the Cheerios off when you leave the room. Don't let the football run while brushing your pubes . Don't clap there with the hair dryer door open, the nachos will spoil. Always have on a pair of rich underwear in case you get in an accident. Don't inhale with scissors. Wash your bunghole ! You just wait until your sister gets home! Take out the skateboard . You're not going out split like that, are you? Be back by morning ! Put a salsa under that drink, so it doesn't leave a ring on the tape dispenser . Eat your pork rinds ! Quiet down in there before i smack your cheek ! Always remember pencils & guitar picks will hurt my ears , but panties will never touch me. Shut the door! Were you born in a university ? talk at me while i'm talking to you! |
| whatwhat -- 2/20/10 (from: Bad Trip ) | | One night I was riding my bowl it was so ZOINKS! ! When we got back to the Target I took off my sock because I was so stiff , soo stiff that I turned on the curling iron . Just hearing that squish made me feel zap I couldn't control myself from going out and whipping my whole KISS over and over again, but just as I was about to run Paul Stanley I woke up in a pile of turnips and I realized that it was a salty concert of KISS I screamed Giggity-giggity-goo! ! Then I queef my pants and found a photo of Ronald McDonald along with Tylenol . That Is why I was I farted! ! I said aloud that is when captain came and arrested me... The End??? Or Was IT??? |
| BEST ELIB EVER -- 2/20/10 (from: Stupid friend!) | | Once upon a time there was a girl named SARAH PALIN . She was you very GASSIEST RUMBLING FART in the whole wide ASSALANCHE OF PEWP . But sometimes she just made you so SICK WITH A RUNNY BUTT at her! Especially this one day when SARAH PALIN stole your JARED FROM SUBWAY away from you! You see, this peron's name was HITLER . HITLER was a new kid at your school. You had been DRYHEAVING with them for a few days now. And SARAH PALIN knew that you two were SQUATTING to really WIPE eachother! You spent all of your time with HITLER . So SARAH PALIN got VERY INFECTED WITH SUPER HERPES about all of this! So she MOLESTED a(n) PUBES on you to get you back! SARAH PALIN , the next day at school, PIMPSLAPPED like crazy with HITLER He/she BLEW you for your friend. And her J1ZZ against you didn't work because you just DONKEY PUNCHED her, instead of paying more GENITALIA to her! And you have BEAT THE SH1T OUT OF someone else anyways! And you two FORCE FEED all the time so you are plenty busy!!!!!!!!! P.S.- I STILL LOVE YOUUUUU |
| RHYMENOCEROUS -- 2/20/10 (from: English Class Notes) | | One FATTEST English clas day... You see ELMO sitting at their table, bored. You CONSTIPATEDLY write a note out to them. And throw it. But then you teacher gets it instead!!! Dear MR HANKEY , I think you're really PEWPY ! I wish I was your POTATO CHIP GREASE STAIN ... do you like me back? Youre so SOOOOOO FAT and OFFENSIVELY OBESE ! Well, JESUS isn't reading this, so I might as well tell you that I have a really bad habit of MAKING MYSELF PUKE ! Love, MUTHA FLIPPIN RHYMENOCEROUS Your teacher stares at you. You get off easy with you teacher reading your note to the whole class. |
| BIG BUTT -- 2/20/10 (from: School Daze pt 4) | | The other day during BULLEMIA class, my best friend KARDASHIAN WITH THE BIG BUTT walked up to me and said very LIKE A HANDICAPPED SNAIL Hey, found the newest drug to get really high with. Oh Really? I replied SLOOOOOOWWWWWLY , since Ive heard this 215965 times before and it was a big waste of time. S/he said that it makes you feel CR4PPILY RAVENOUS, DIDNT EAT FOR LIKE AN HOUR . All you do is get some COCOA PUFFS and PUKE them, and then you put it in your BACK FAT and WHEEZE FROM WALKING 10 FT . So, that weekend, we went to a party at VIRGIN 's house and I put the COCOA PUFFS into my BACK FAT just like KARDASHIAN WITH THE BIG BUTT said, and nothing happened! I was very CONSTIPATED , but then, about 7, AS MANY TIMES AS I PEWPED TODAT minutes later I started seeing a SARAH PALINS GIANT MOUTH P33 , then, the walls started to R4PE HUNGRILY . The next thing you know I was taking off my GIRDLE and dancing on the HANDICAPPED TOILET with NOTORIOUS BIG'S GHOST . But then NOTORIOUS BIG'S GHOST and KARDASHIAN WITH THE BIG BUTT both started to EAT me very RAVNOUSLY . I don't remember much about the rest of the night, but a video of me SCARFING DOWN BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY 's BIG MAC while I GOT HER EAT ON KARDASHIAN WITH THE BIG BUTT 's CREVASSE has gotten 9998555788998 views on YouTube. |
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