| CC -- 7/3/10 (from: Law & Order Overload ) | | You think 3 Law & Order shows is too much? Check out all the new ones NBC is airing this fall: Law & Order: shoelace Inspectors Unit starring Mel Gibson Law & Order: Park Patrol starring Joe & Barack Obama Law & Order: nerdy tree huggers Unit starring Amanda Law & Order: Major electric razors Unit starring Heather Graham & Kelsey Grammer Law & Order: bedroom Security Unit starring Faye Dunaway Law & Order: dog sled Patrol starring Anna & Susan Law & Order: shot glass Control Unit starring Carrot Top Law & Order: tank top Inspection Team starring Jeff Law & Order: Cops On lemur -back starring Patrick Swayze And D. Wolf's Law & Order Reality Series- Law & Order: Brocket Park Rangers Uncensored |
| leeanna -- 7/2/10 (from: Messed-Up Fairytale) | | One day in a land far far away, further than wal mart , there lived a girl named stacie . stacie was very super and green and every man in the kingdom wanted her. Even steven thought of getting into her panties . One day, after drinking rather heavily for 69 hours straight, steven ran over to stacie 's house and said to her WTF!!!!! stacie you are so very ! I'd love to take you to in your pants and kiss you on the happy place and then you would be mine Forever. Well stacie thought that this was little , He was pretty hard and had a nice hot dog , So she agreed. Little did he know stacie had a secret. So off they went to in your pants and he did kiss her on the happy place and she was his forever. well that kiss led one thing to another and soon they took of their more panties and their shirt . OMFG!!!!! ! steven shouted! stacie had a toe where her happy place should be. But it was to late she was his forever. The End The moral of the story is don't count your elephants before they shake . |
| Mosquito -- 7/1/10 (from: Want to be a Wrestling Superstar... ) | | Then the first thing you need to come up with is a disgusting name. Some suggestions might be: The orange lemur , passionate Aaron , The gas can , The shiny agnostic , or even, The kissing rabbi Next, you will need to come up with some signature moves. These are just basically the same DVD players everyone else uses, just with a gayer name. Some examples: The pizzas of Hawaii , The dancing throw , The sniff -inator, or even, The kick of love . Then you need to come up with a stinky motto or saying, like: Can you fart what I'm drinking , slob ?! , or even, vomit on it!! Your almost air tight . You just need to make sure you're in malicious condition. Exercise your ears every day. Lifting pirate ships will increase the mass of your neck & knees . And make sure you consume plenty of transmission fluid & chocolate cake . And lay off the burritos & motor oil so you don't get too stupid . Well, now you're insensitive . With any fear , you'll be as famous a wrestler as Barack Obama or Susan Sarandon . Mazel Tov! ! |
| Becca -- 6/30/10 (from: The Hundred Dresses ) | | WANDA DREW 2 DRESSES. THE WERE ALL VERY runnin' . ONE OF THEM HAD A yellow AND hot pink PATTERN AND A green stremers . WANDA LIKED THIS ONE THE MOST. ONE DAY SHE poppin' INTO A FASHION COLLEGE. SHE SHOWED THE PROFESSOR HER 2 DRESSES. THE PROFESSOR castin' THEM. HE SENT THEM TO A Ohio . SUDDENLY WANDA WAS A TOP FASHION die AND ALL THE MODELS WANTED TO WORK FOR HER. |
| abc -- 6/29/10 (from: The Epic Neji And Tenten Date ) | | Neji straightened his bowtie nervously in the mirror. What am I to do? he thought to himself. He was naturally very about his date with Tenten. The funny thing was, it was Tenten who had asked him to dinner and a movie. (The movie was of the genre, and was called Dancers .) She had seen him walking around shirtless in a nearby and swooned. So she approached Neji, looking very and quite adorable. She asked him out, and how could Neji turn down a cutie like Tenten? Suddenly, Neji heard the doorbell wring. Without thinking, he spritzed his best cologne, which smelled like shoes mixed with stale and it sounds icky, but hopefully Tenten will like it! He answered the door, and she looked amazing. Her dress was and looked like a thousand babies had cried, and the tears were made into the fabric of her dress. It was also so short it barely covered her which made Neji drool. Let's go! she said, seductively, and Neji followed like a neutered . You're so cute! Like a baby cooed Tenten, and Neji's face went pink from the embarrassment. That, and true love. |
| OOGABOOGA! -- 6/29/10 (from: At The Zoo ) | | Welcome to Boston Zoo, I'm your gay tour guide, Clay Aiken . Over here we have the exotic Israeli marmoset . It is over 78 feet tall & has a salamander disposition and it loves to eat raw giraffe . Now over here we have a pair of Swiss hamsters . As you can see, the female is much scarier than the male. hamsters are an endangered species in London . They were almost hunted to extinction in the year 1867 for their prized elbows . Next we have Indian porcupines . porcupines are unique in that they mate in a wet way like no other creature on Mars . The male sticks his ass in the female's throat and deposits large amounts of chocolate which her body then kisses and in 60 months, you have a litter of baby porcupines . Here we have the national moose of Saudia Arabia , the red - foot ed - green - licker . It lives in caves and can be tamed. In fact, Kim Kardashian has one as a pet. Just beware, it farts on everything. Thank you for visiting the Boston Zoo. Have a incestuous day! |
| Ms. Perez -- 6/28/10 (from: First Day of High School ) | | Once upon a time there was a girl named Naima . She had long green hair. It used to be blonde, but she had decided she needed a change somewhere around 6th grade, so she dyed it pink and ever since then, that's what is stayed. She had a killer smile, and a winning personality. She was, if anything, very hot . It was what people remembered her for. Today was going to be so exciting for Naima . Today would be her first day at daisy Mississippi River High School. She was naturally scared stiff. As she combed her hair for the 100th time, she realized she was still in her pajamas! The ones with the horse s on them! So she naturally had to get dressed. Although it took forever, she decided on a T-Shirt with Just Do It! written on it in glittery pink and a denim skirt that was about knee length. Paired with her polka dot socks and yellow high-tops, and she was looking good. Naima glanced out the window, and saw the school bus! Without even stopping for breakfast she raced down the stairs and leaped onto the bus. She decided to sit down next to a guy who was constantly picking his arm which looked really gross, but he looked sort of ugly so he would have to do. Naima flipped back her hair, and flashed him her winning smile. Hey, what's up? I'm new. My name is Naima , but you can call me tough Lips. , said Naima , and she knew she had him hooked on her beauty. The kid continued to pick his arm but spoke to her anyway. Okay, um, tough Lips. I'm Todd. And, could I say that your hair looks like a sheet of pink satin? Naima giggled a pretty, twinkly laugh. Totally! Todd, you are totally the shiznits. Let's be BFFs till tha end! She put her arm around him, and thought, Today has to be the fun day ever! I'm so excited I could just scream Wow! but of course I won't because that would be silly. And so, the couple was as cute as a baby table and the bus bounced slowly down the dirt road. |
| E.G. -- 6/28/10 (from: Fox's Celebrity Boxing Schedule ) | | Upcoming schedule for Fox's Celebrity Boxing: January 15, 2016 - Seth Green Vs. Pink (who is now known as Captain stupidity ) May 18, 2155 - Flo the Progressive Insurance Lady Vs. Captain James T. Kirk August 12, 2304 - Ludacris Vs. Sandra The hair dryer Bullock February 10, 2235 - Dashiel crimson tank tops Hudson Vs. Al Gore November 7, 2084 - Dr. Evil Vs. New Orleans Saints September 30, 2409 - The Cast Of InuYasha Vs. The Cast Of The A-Team October 6, 3010 - Saddam Hussein Vs. The Residents Of Delaware |
| AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! -- 6/27/10 (from: Lifetime Original Movies ) | | Lifetime Original Movies premiering in 2003: My brother , My Lover - starring Christopher Walken In The butt cheeks Of A Stranger - starring Ellen Page homophobia & hijinks : The Michael Bolton Story - starring Steve Nash ass Of Evil - starring Helena Guergis Prisoner Of love - starring Steve McQueen My Mommy Wears The socks In Our Family - starring Rock Hudson Slave Of drunkenness - starring Geena Davis Forbidden passion : The Cheech Marin Story - starring Bryan Adams Roses & pillows - starring Bruce Willis My Two sisters - starring Buddy Holly Why Is Mommy slapping My uncle ? - starring Jude Law My Life As Julia Louis-Dreyfus 's Mistress - starring Diana Ross Why Can't Mommy Keep Her thong On? - starring Mariska Hargitay |
| WHAAAAAAAAAA????? -- 6/27/10 (from: If I Were President ) | | We recently asked folks this question - If you were President & had absolute power, what would you do? Ryan Reynolds : I'd get drunk & spank every 17 -year-old girl in sight Michael Stipe : We'd bomb the vodka out of Quebec Tori Spelling : I'd send all the trailer park supervisors to Yemen & then blow it up Kathie Lee Gifford : I'd make jet fuel legal & available over-the- pizza to anyone who wants it Will Forte : I'd make Haiti the 51st state Paris Hilton : I'd make Jenny Slate Vice-President, Anna Paquin Secretary Of State, and the cast of M*A*S*H the Supreme Court The Rock : I'd make April 9 National snotrag Day & March 11 National Tina Fey Day Eddie Vedder : I'd buy Canada & kick everyone out so it would be all mine! Well, I might have a few Playboy salamanders for amusement Hugh Hefner : I'd see to it that everyone owned a skateboard & I'd make this ugly Nation leukemia -free Salma Hayek : I'd have my name put on all churches , hotels & homeless shelters nation-wide & on all buses , dildoes & barrels too! |
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