| sh1ttiest elib ever -- 2/20/10 (from: NEW YORK CITY) | | That morning, the morning that every teenage girl seems to have... well if they were in that wild state, which you were. You look to your left, another person lying there. 'D*mn' You say aloud, as you think of the previous night. ....The club was tremendous, colorful lights everywhere, remix music blasting, and everyone dancing. Far too much trouble was running through your head, you wanted out, you wanted the thought gone. As soon as this thought crossed your mind, your sneaky little friend, Max showed up with two drinks in his hand. 'My Dear' he says.. You grabbed the drink, right before you chugged the alcohol down you glared at Max, 'You dirty b*stard, You spiked this?'... you said with a smirk. Max shook his head smiling... 'no' then he leaned in, whispering into your ear 'Why would I need to do that, I know how to get the best of you' You looked at him with rage and downed the jack daniels. 'You won't be seeing anything out of me' Max smirks and says 'Change your mind?.. come see me' he then moves onto the next girl.........You turn back to your same state of mind, the worst thoughts.. thinking for a breif moment, shaking your head, downed a few more drinks then swayed towards the biggest man wh*re in New York City. He was chatting to one of the club dancers, or rather charming her. You grab his hand, he turns quickly and sees you, that same smile he always had when he knew the way clever things worked out, 'Hi'..... 'Hi' you said. You both moved through the crowd towards the elevator (not only was Max a huge player, his father also owned the Hotel where the party was being held that night)stepping onto the shiny tile which belonged to the elevator, you both, side by side, looked at each other.. both watching the swift silver doors close.... you look at him again and lock your lips tightly on his, so sweet and so blocked from your Terrible thoughts. continued on the next story. |
| HOLY RUN-ON SENTENCE -- 2/20/10 (from: The Election) | | There was an election going on at my OPRAH'S BUTT so i decided to run for secretary as always a SUPER MORBIDLY OBESE girl decided to run against me she was one of the SWEATY kids at my school so she won after I lost i saidgood job michelle in a CONSTIPATED way then walked away P1SSED thinking she was a APOLLO OHNO anyway i still know in my heart that i am really SCANTILY CLAD than her |
| are you afraid of the dark? -- 2/20/10 (from: Bad Trip ) | | One night I was riding my boyfriend it was so OH MY! ! When we got back to the meghanne's house I took off my sweatervest because I was so beastly , soo beastly that I turned on the fridge . Just hearing that snap! made me feel find I couldn't control myself from going out and growing my whole All time low over and over again, but just as I was about to driving Alex Gaskarth I woke up in a pile of cream puffs and I realized that it was a wild concert of All time low I screamed Yee!!! ! Then I fart my pants and found a photo of kaytee along with ecstacy . That Is why I was its like whoa ! I said aloud that is when equipment manager came and arrested me... The End??? Or Was IT??? |
| flashy scarecrow -- 2/20/10 (from: Original song titles - Changed at the last minute! ) | | 1. Beast of plastic - Rolling Stones 2. Another one bites the wood - Queen 3. Enter shark man - Metallica 4. Five papers - Megadeth 5. Welcome to the norco - Guns n roses. 6. While my guitar quickly texting - The Beatles 7. Hold my foot - Hootie and the Blowfish 8. Whiskey Bent and band camp bound - Hank Williams Jr. 9. phones of the Holy - Led Zepplin 10. Mammas dont let your walruses grow up to be puppies |
| Meghanne -- 2/19/10 (from: Bad Trip) | | One night I was riding my cat it was so Ya se! ! When we got back to the Katie's house I took off my bikini because I was so shiny , soo shiny that I turned on the disco ball . Just hearing that boom made me feel swim I couldn't control myself from going out and pettimg my whole Meghanne's Pants over and over again, but just as I was about to smack Kody I woke up in a pile of broccoli and I realized that it was a small concert of Meghanne's Pants I screamed Vayas chupe un grande uno! ! Then I sweat my pants and found a photo of Analyn along with NORCO . That Is why I was No necesito esto! ! I said aloud that is when Secret Agent came and arrested me... The End??? Or Was IT??? |
| FAT ABBOTT -- 2/18/10 (from: Ferrets) | | Ferrets, over the last 27 years, have become more and more of a popular pet. They are said to be of the ROLY POLY family, having the personality of a TEABAGGERS , but being as loyal and BULLEMIC as the family AMBULANCE . Controversy still exists over this small but MORBIDLY OBESE creature. Some people say they never lost their natural COLOSCOPY BAG for EATING EVERYTHING other small things such as MUMU . Some people believe, that despite being FARTED , these creatures are very FLEA RIDDEN . Many people believe just the opposite. They have become a part of the SARAH PALINS ADMISSION INTO A MENTAL HOME and are quite loved. |
| FAT ABBOTT -- 2/18/10 (from: Looks Like A Dog) | | SNOOP DOGG and JAY Z just left the caf� around the corner, when they FISTED a woman in a black dress walking something that resembled a dog. They weren�t quite sure, however. �Is that a SARAH PALIN'S GIANT MOUTH ?� RONALD MCDONALD said. �I�m not sure. I think it is, but it is definitely TUBE like a TAMPAX , and it�s super MORBIDLY OBESE ,� said CESAR MILAN . �I dunno. It�s TAINTS are like that of a MICROWAVE , and its head is covered in STARVING DEEP FRY OIL ,� replied MICHAEL JACKSON . �Let�s go ask her what kind it is,� said, FAT ALBERT HEY HEY HEY . �No, let�s not. We don�t want to SCARFED her. She looks SEDUCTIVE enough.� |
| FAT ABBOTT -- 2/18/10 (from: Tyrannosaurus) | | Tyrannosaurus was characterized by having ITTEH BITTEH hind limbs, a muscular tail, and short QU33FS . Tyrannosaurids are had 765434678 toes on the hind feet. The oldest known tyrannosaurids lived 120 million years ago. Their fossilized LADY GAGA has been found in Asia and OSAMA BIN LADENS BUTT . The best known species is the huge Tyrannosaurus rex, which lived around 70 million years ago. They had an elongated CATHEDAR and large, TURDS in jaws that could open 4-ft wide. Like RICHARD SIMMONS , the short forelimbs had two fingers armed with sharp, curved TOILETS . On the foot was a SARAH PALIN not reaching to the ground. T rex dominated the PEWPYPANTS ; fossil remains have been found in FRISKIES . |
| FAT ABBOTT -- 2/18/10 (from: Side Effects May Include) | | Obecalp is what we can safely call a 'wonder' 'drug'! It will help you minimize the chance of a PUBE attack, cause hair to grow on your MUFFIN TOP and increase signs of puberty! However, our faithful team of lawyers insists that we post these side effects. Side effects may include DRY HEAVING , vomiting, loss of SWEAT , decapitation, mind loss, NUDE 90 INCH WAIST , fungus on your 7362548292 CALORIES , growth of warts that look like EDDIE MURPHY , an all-around RAVENOUS personality, change in moods, feeling really HUNGRY AS H3LL all the time, thinking that a ROLY POLY goes MOO! and causing the user to shout I WOULD LIKE FRIES WITH THAT! at random intervals. Please consult your doctor before use. |
| FAT ABBOTT -- 2/18/10 (from: Fortune Cookie) | No matter what city you visit, there's bound to be a Chinatown, a Chinese restaurant, and of course, Chinese fortune cookies, which might say:
1. A romantic COUCH POTATO will add interest to your otherwise FATASS life.
2. You will inherit a large sum of FAT ROLLS from a dear, departed FUPA .
3. You are admired by your fellow MCNUGGETS for your ability to DEEP FRY under EAT pressure.
4. Although thoughts weigh HANDICAPPED on your TRIPLE CHIN , you are never without a sense of CHEETOS .
5. You tackle difficult 2 SOUTHWEST SEATS FOR FATTIES with GREASY skill and the confidence of a much older CHEESE FRIES . |
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