| devin -- 6/13/08 (from: The Questioning Child ) | | one day, a little pink kid asked his mother, Mommy, what does bastard mean? and his mother replies, a bastard is like, ya know, a vet . Then thuh boy asked, Mommy, what does F**kin' mean? and thuh mother replies It means run . You know, like jump a cow . Then, thuh boy asked his super blue mother, Mommy, what does seducin' mean? and his mother replies it means to sittin' in thuh corner . Then one day thuh vet came to thuh door and thuh kid answered. Why hello, vet Bastard! Daddy's in thuh bedroom seducin' my sister, and mommy's in thuh kitchen, f**kin' thuh cow ! |
| Allie-San -- 6/13/08 (from: The Questioning Child ) | | one day, a little Horrifieng kid asked his mother, Mommy, what does bastard mean? and his mother replies, a bastard is smurfily a Surgion . Smurfilicious! Then the boy asked, Mommy, what does F**king mean? and the mother replies It means RUN . Smurfy, isn't it? You know, like Walk a Turtle . How smurfy! Then, the boy asked his very Puke colored mother, Mommy, what does seducing mean? and his mother replies it means to Spank . Smurfilicious! Then one day the Surgion came to the door and the kid answered. Smurfilicious! Why hello, Surgion Bastard! Daddy's in the bedroom seducing my smurfysister, and mommy's in the kitchen, f**king the Turtle ! |
| E.G. -- 6/13/08 (from: four hours straight pt 1 ) | | One day, after eating 18 pieces of cupcakes I went to the bedroom . I puked a VW Jetta load. After the relief of victory (I squeezed quite a battle in there) I sucked to the Todash . At the Todash I saw Britney Spears . He said Hey! , I said 'Ello! , and then I left. As I was farting , a movie screamed on a(n) drum current and spent me in the arm pit . Then it began to rain , I vibrate for four hours straight. After a sick tall man gave me a tornado , I stupidly watched down the street. When I had stomped 24 block(s), I realized I was lost. I found a boring plumber and asked him directions. Unfortunately, he spoke Norwegian instead of English. I sang on a(n) story and ripped quite angrily . People stared and began walking hotter . This made me quite hysterical . I cryed for four hours straight. I destroyed back to my house and drooled in the basement It echoed always off the walls and peed in my lips . Then it began to smell of hairy answer and yogurt . I implode so hard, that soda came out of my finger . (I never drank soda so don't ask me where it came from). I picked up the soda with biohazard straight jackets and moaned up to my room and stuffed it in a drawer... If you want to finish the story, go to four hours straight pt 2 and continue! |
| E.G. -- 6/13/08 (from: Oh Those Wacko Celebs ) | | Hi, I'm Jim Carrey & welcome to tonight's edition of Celebrity Connection. There is a new epidemic sweeping through Hollywood as we speak - KY Gel -use. What effect does KY Gel -use have on the body? You're about to find out. Please welcome my three celebrity guests, all known KY Gel -abusers: Quentin Tarantino , Milla Jovovich & Michelle Rodriguez . Welcome to Celebrity Connection. Quentin Tarantino , when did you first realize you wanted to be famous? Quentin Tarantino : My panda is burnt orange , hehehe. Michelle Rodriguez : Hey, toys are cool! Jim Carrey : Um, ok. Milla Jovovich , when is your next movie coming out? Milla Jovovich : Burmese make good q-tips , if you know what I mean, dude. Quentin Tarantino : My elbow is red , see. Jim Carrey : Please put your clothes back on. Michelle Rodriguez , what would you be doing right now if you weren't famous? Michelle Rodriguez : An alien visited my psych ward and said, Pepper in Some Fun!!! ! Then he gave me a cold glass of dish water . Milla Jovovich : Pink is my mother & I sleep with her every night. Quentin Tarantino : Look, and my tongue is purple ! OMG - bananas reproduce like rabbits; they're taking over the world, Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhh! !! Michelle Rodriguez : (starts talking to chair) Hey, French kiss , what you doin' tonight? Wanna go exploding ? Jim Carrey : Well, there you have it, knit circle . You've seen for yourself the sweaty effects KY Gel - abuse is having on our celebrities. As if Hollywood couldn't get any grosser ! Have it Your Way! ! |
| E.G. -- 6/13/08 (from: Fictional Fiascos ) | | Recent headlines from the Middle Earth Reporter: Hermione Granger Caught In narrow Love-triangle With Bart Simpson & Butthead . Beavis Says, I Broke Up Barbie & Ken's Relationship...Calls Ken His M . Harry Potter : I Was smashed By G.I. Joe, Frodo Baggins & He-Man! I May Never Walk Again!! flood Hits Hogwarts - centaur -Population Devastated. Smurf-Poaching Hits All-time High, Even Though Legolas Greenleaf Facing Death-By- Iron Maiden For The Deaths Of Papa Smurf, grody Smurf & enormous Smurf. Sudden Rupture In The Space-Time Continuum Last Thursday Sends Lisa Simpson Into 21st Century gymnasium - Returns With Dane Cook & 72 Kids. |
| loaded -- 6/13/08 (from: Movie Tidbits ) | | A exploding sun appears in every scene in the movie Simpsons movie . The pool in Fugitive was actually filled with acid , not water. Harrison ford 's bandana is on backwards through the entire pyramid -scene in Kung fu panda . In the UCLA -scene in buttblasters , if you look smoothly , you can see a whore in the background sweating on a jello . Though it appears vin diesel is chowing-down on chow mein in The Gaurdian , it's actually watermelon . The weapons in Saving Private Ryan actually shot horses , not bullets. The alien costumes in Star wars were made of rubberized cocoa powder . Jessica Alba contracted Polio from kissing Sacha Bohen in Sweeney Todd . Few people know this, but some of the buttons on the panels of the bridge of the StarTrek Enterprise actually work! One opens the door to the cast kitchen , one lifts Steve carrell 's toilet seat in his dressing-room, and one shouts whoa faggots at the cast to motivate them. lindsay lohan wears a fake liver in the movie Good Luck Chuck . paris hilton makes a cameo-appearance as a maid in Mission impossible . chuck norris refused to direct passion of the christ because he said it was way too ghastly and made him want to swam his guts out. |
| Christine -- 6/13/08 (from: Movie Tidbits ) | | A watercooler appears in every scene in the movie The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian . The pool in 24 Hour Party People was actually filled with iced tea , not water. Jenna Fischer 's mini skirt is on backwards through the entire Costco -scene in Notes On A Scandal . In the San Francisco -scene in Desperate Living , if you look slowily , you can see a homo in the background farting on a sled . Though it appears Jason Schwartzman is chowing-down on goulash in Waitress , it's actually Moon Pie . The weapons in Apocolypse Now actually shot toilets , not bullets. The alien costumes in Barbarella were made of rubberized pasta sauce . Siouxsie Sioux contracted samonella from kissing Tom Cavanaugh in Enchanted . Few people know this, but some of the buttons on the panels of the bridge of the StarTrek Enterprise actually work! One opens the door to the cast bathroom , one lifts Jon Heder 's toilet seat in his dressing-room, and one shouts CHARGE!!! a**holes at the cast to motivate them. John Waters wears a fake b*lls in the movie Garden State . Kim Kardashian makes a cameo-appearance as a vet in Camille . Morrissey refused to direct Juno because he said it was way too boring and made him want to cry his guts out. |
| mrstiscic -- 6/12/08 (from: Shakespeare Quotes ) | | farting is such sweet sorrow. --Romeo and Juliet But I will dance my va-jay-jay upon my thong For parakeets to peck at; I am not what I am. --Othello All that skids is not meth . --The Merchant of Venice In my mind's nose . --Hamlet Yeah! Yeah! That was cool! , poor world, what report card hast thou snowed ! --Venus & Adonis Have loneliness , and cut . --Much Ado About Nothing Mini-Me forgive us all! --Macbeth pebbles without thoughts never to K-Mart go. --Hamlet It is the cameltoe that makes the body straight . --The Taming of the Shrew It's not enough to mix , but to mix true. --A Midsummer Night's Dream |
| mrstiscic -- 6/12/08 (from: Movie Tidbits ) | | A pocket protector appears in every scene in the movie 300 . The pool in Revenge of the Nerds was actually filled with piss-warm chango , not water. Quentin Tarantino 's leisure suit is on backwards through the entire garage -scene in Chicken Run . In the Nebraska -scene in Halloween 2 , if you look strongly , you can see a a-hole in the background simmering on a trash can . Though it appears Colin Farrell is chowing-down on alfredo sauce in Dude, Where's My Car? , it's actually empanadas . The weapons in Saving Private Ryan actually shot turkeys , not bullets. The alien costumes in Battlefield Earth were made of rubberized dung . Beavis contracted schizophrenia from kissing Mike Myers in Terms of Endearment . Few people know this, but some of the buttons on the panels of the bridge of the StarTrek Enterprise actually work! One opens the door to the cast doctor's office , one lifts Sharon Stone 's toilet seat in her dressing-room, and one shouts Git-r-done! infidels at the cast to motivate them. Bill Clinton wears a fake bald spot in the movie Hell Comes to Frogtown . Kelly Clarkson makes a cameo-appearance as a grocery store manager in Apocalypto . Peter Griffin refused to direct Ace Ventura because he said it was way too groovy and made him want to smoke his guts out. |
| mrstiscic -- 6/12/08 (from: Fictional Fiascos ) | | Recent headlines from the South Park Reporter: Freddy Kruger Caught In twisted Love-triangle With Cindy Lou Who & Shrek . Dan Conner Says, I Broke Up Barbie & Ken's Relationship...Calls Ken His honey . Superman : I Was talked By G.I. Joe, George Costanza & He-Man! I May Never Walk Again!! tornado Hits Walley World - Marty Moose -Population Devastated. Smurf-Poaching Hits All-time High, Even Though Clark Griswold Facing Death-By- Chinese water torture For The Deaths Of Papa Smurf, bare Smurf & drunk Smurf. Sudden Rupture In The Space-Time Continuum Last Wednesday Sends Kenny McCormick Into 21st Century Heathrow Airport - Returns With Tila Tequila & 4 Kids. |
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