When I was just a young girl, I hated my belly buton and swore that when I was old enough I would get it fixed. For 75 years I saved up my allowance and the money I earned delivering stones before school. By the time I was 1000 I was old enough, and had enough money, to make my belly buton smaller and more loud. When it finally healed, I looked beautiful. I was asked out on more dates and no one called me Elephant belly buton anymore. The next things I wanted to fix were my nose holes. They were way too small! I was tired of wearing a training socks and being called Flatty Fatty, so I enlarged my nose holes and got lipo suction. Today I only weigh 5456 pounds, and I have the face and figure of selena gomez. Looks shouldn't matter, but I'm glad they do!

Aquarius: You may be pounded by a charming friend. Although your nature is to be trusting, don't forget to wear to a condom! Leo: You may feel lucky and give into your urge to gamble. Beware; the candy is not in your favor. You may loose all of your dildos and your friends won't feel sorry for you. Virgo: This month you will seem passionate on the outside but you will feel horny on the inside. Try to relax. Now is a good time to take a trip to Victoria's Secret or watch a hot dogwith a good friend. Gemini: If you think we can't see what you're doing; think again. We know how you spanked Lio when you thought no one was around. We also know that you fertilized that poor little gerbil when you thought you were alone. Bad, Gemini! Bad! Aries: You better wrap it up or you're gonna get knocked up! That's right, you need to use protection this month. If you don't get knocked up, you'll definintly catch halitosis. The best way to avoid trouble is to go naked in your bedroom until next month.