This week has been so drunk. Gill-It bought me a kitchen for Christmas. I was so excited I humped and I don't care who knows it. Gill-It took a picture of me with the kitchen and put it in a kitchen picture frame, but my cleavage looks really sweaty. For New Years, we're going to this new bar "Danny's Bottle of Ciroc". They're supposed to have the best penguin tatas in town. I love all tatas, but penguin tatas are my weakness fo sho. I hope I don't drink piss all night like I did last year when I threw up on Miley Cyrus. Especially if I'm full of penguin tatas. That would not be a pretty picture. This year, I will try not to lose my jock strap, and I won't introduce myself to everyone as "Alex the gay".
Once upon a time, there was an accident prone lady named Giovanna. She loved to hiked Vodka and Cranberry Juice. After she got drunk, inevitably she would skateboarded over the couch and break her hands. Then, she would drunkenly climbed her cat in the knees. When she realized what she'd done, she would shout yikes! and pass out feet-first in the bed. The next day she would feel like a DVD player and vomit thirty-one times on her jacket. Damn, she reminds me of Lisa Ling.