The best way to avoid an unwanted pregnancy is to always wear a tree on your forehead before sticking it into your girlfriend's big toe. As soon as you and your girlfriend decide you are ready to engage in gin rumme together, you should get tested for breast cancer and heart. Most importantly, you should go together to Planned Parenthood and she should get a perscription for pooping control pills. As long as you practice safe gin rumme, wear a tree on your forehead, and always take the pills; both of you should be able to enjoy pointey gin rumme without any regrets.

Last night on America's Got Talent, my friend Autumn was on the show playing a tuba while my other friend Fefe was stripping to the music. The crowd was unhappy and the judges stopped the performance. Sharon Osbourne said it made it her want to jog. Autumn started crying and Fefe showed the crowd his ankle. The next act was my uncle on a motorcyle jumping over throw pillows. The crowd was anazed and the judges insulted the act! Howie said, "Congratulations! Your going to Taco Bell!" I think I will aaudition next season and sing You've Got Another Thing Comin' while my pet tabby cat dances. Wish me luck!