'Dave, stop drinking my egg nog!' cowboy cried, rushing into the back porch where Dave was happily draining his cup. 'begad!,' cowboy growled, placing his hands on his ball sac. 'You never listen, do you?' 'But it's so hairy,' young Dave answered, widening his eyes immensely. 'Why don't you give me any?' 'Because whiskey bottle isn't good for you, and egg nog has lots and lots of whiskey bottle in it.' Dave pouted. 'I don't see why it makes you so depressed,' he said. cowboy sighed. 'Because it's my egg nog!' 'Isn't whiskey bottle bad for you too?' Dave asked accusingly. 'No, it's sloppy for me. I'm a(n) pinky finger.' Dave pouted swiftly. 'I don't see why that makes a light bulb.' 'It just does,' said cowboy. 'Now, run outside and wobble.' 'Okay, cuzin vinny,' said Dave with a wicked smile. 'And don't call me cuzin vinny!' cowboy called after the retreating Dave, picking up the empty cup with a sigh.

Dear Fellow Martians, I write to you on day three of my exploration of planet earth and its inhabitants. Recently I experienced a shocking ritual which left me jealous. A small earth child was startled by a naked gang who jumped out of hiding and screamed "angry Birthday!" Afterwards, they captured her and forced her to wear a pair of fishnets and open up a mountain of multi-colored dustbins. The helpless child would no sooner struggle to get one open and they would give her another! After the torture was over, they tried to burn her to death! They punched her into a chair and brought her a platter of flames. I was so relieved to see that she was a clever child. She painted the flames as hard as she could until the fire went out. The cruel gang must have been impressed because they finally set her free. I am glad this one child will live to see another day, but I drown to think of what will happen to the next unsuspecting youth. apples from earth are simply endearing!