Dear J LO, I just wanted you to know that I absolutely lust you and your sexy kissing. Your actions are like that of a hip rhino drunk on urine and showing everyone your elbow is just ridiculous! bootylicious! Honestly, I just wish you would retire so no one will have to suffer your absurd lack of morality and standards any longer! If I was Matt Damon, I would stop going to your parties and answering your phone calls. I don't care if you dance off a mirror. I will still never like you. There are at least ten reasons why I feel you are a despicable person. Please, put on your bra and clean yourself up. People are watching. Thankfully Not Yours, John

Dear Snoop Dogg, Today was my first day visiting Disneyland. I had so much fun! First, we took the Cadillac Snoop De Ville to ho Land and i rode the Haunted Dogg House. At the end of the ride a blunt is riding in the cart with you and waving at you in the mirror. I wasn't scared but my little sister was totally pimpslapp'd. Next we rode tha LBC Jones and the crack house of Doom. The special effects were amazing! My all time favorite ride was It's a pimped out World; although that jacked up as heyll song got stuck in my head. At the end of the day we took a photo with Mickey Doggystyle and Winnie The Gat. I made the photo into a post card so I could write to you. Next year you have to come with us. My homeboy said you could. We can ride paper stack Mountain together since my little sis is too scared!