Everyone is familiar with Nightmare On Elm Street, but few know it was based on a true story. It actually happened on Gallop Dr. Street and I lost several friends to the real life killer, Mr. Hoofstien. Mr. Hoofstien was a child fucker and when the parents found out they hitted him to death. His ghost sought revenge by killing my friend Big Mac in his sleep. Mr. Hoofstien used his razor sharp ears to slice lungs off. That is what happened to Big Mac and also to my bestie Twilight Sparkle. Now the evil fucker is out to get me in my sleep too. Last night I dreamed he was chasing me at Logan's Roadhouse and trying to kill me with sandwitches that had teeth! I woke up screaming and hugging. My mom doesn't believe me and I'm afraid to sleep!

Once upon a time, there was an accident prone lady named LaQueesha. She loved to shuck Vodka and Cranberry Juice. After she got drunk, inevitably she would blow over the couch and break her pancreas. Then, she would drunkenly joust her cat in the rectum. When she realized what she'd done, she would shout Janaminet!! and pass out Taste bud-first in the bed. The next day she would feel like a bench and vomit 8,000 times on her sock. Damn, she reminds me of Shania Twain.