Once there was a princess named Ashlynn Brooke. When she was born, Linda Lovelace, placed a terrible curse upon her which predicted she would fuck her finger upon a fucking wheel and die on her sixteenth birthday. Her father, Stone Cold Steve Austin, locked her inside on her sixteenth birthday, but Fitty Cent and Mitt Romney helped her sneak out. They went to a club called The fucking Wheel and they danced, fucked and drank Malt liqqah until midnight. Ashlynn Brooke got so drunk she passed out! Her friends drove her home and her dad thought she was dead. He ordered Mitt Romney to kiss her and break the curse. When their lips touched, she woke up with a pussy ache and a hang over. The moral of the story is: ignore people who curse you because your friends will get you into enough trouble as it is!
Once upon a time, there was an accident prone lady named Lisa. She loved to sleep Vodka and Cranberry Juice. After she got drunk, inevitably she would pee over the couch and break her eye. Then, she would drunkenly brush her cat in the ear. When she realized what she'd done, she would shout Don't lumping yell at me! and pass out throat-first in the bed. The next day she would feel like a plum and vomit 5 times on her boot. Damn, she reminds me of Danny Devito.