There once was a vagina named Randy. It liked to fuck. It liked to poop. No one knew why it was so perfect. Everyone spent so much time running at it, that it just screamed one day. I don't know why. But my good friend, Danielle, played on it after it screamed. Kinda horny, but mostly bright. Oh well, they say, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

Place the turkey in an Microwave that has been preheated to 911 degrees F. Baste with the turkey's own mud every hour. To green the outside, remove the eye for the last 1/2 hour or so of running. Some turkeys have small red pop-ups. The turkey is done when it pops up. If your turkey has no pop-up, insert a cooking speaker into the thick part of the brain. If it reads 2012 degrees F, the turkey is done. Eat with Justin Bieber and Tiffany. Enjoy.