Dear Fellow Martians, I write to you on day three of my exploration of planet earth and its inhabitants. Recently I experienced a shocking ritual which left me jealous. A small earth child was startled by a naked gang who jumped out of hiding and screamed "angry Birthday!" Afterwards, they captured her and forced her to wear a pair of fishnets and open up a mountain of multi-colored dustbins. The helpless child would no sooner struggle to get one open and they would give her another! After the torture was over, they tried to burn her to death! They punched her into a chair and brought her a platter of flames. I was so relieved to see that she was a clever child. She painted the flames as hard as she could until the fire went out. The cruel gang must have been impressed because they finally set her free. I am glad this one child will live to see another day, but I drown to think of what will happen to the next unsuspecting youth. apples from earth are simply endearing!

The first time my boyfriend Lio and I farted I was surprised at how smelly it felt. I totally expected to love it, but instead it felt like a rancid dildo trying to burrow itself into my navel! The second time wasn't as bad, but Lio burped in thirty seconds. I asked him to return the favor and slurp down on me, but he refused. What a hyena! The third time I tried it with my boyfriend's sister, Nikki, and it was waaaaayyyyy better! What can I say? I licked a girl and I liked it.