Yesterday I was Sucking through channels on the TV when suddenly I was delighted to see my friend Leanna on the Jerry Springer show. She was dressed in a tight Bikini which barely covered her butt cheek. She confessed that she lives a double life; a plastic surgeon by day but a abortionist by night. Next, her boyfriend, Ellis walked onto the stage. He was so upset he was diving and he kept asking her, "Why, baby? Why did you do me this way?" Leanna said it was because she needed the money. Ellis threw nine dollars at her and she got on her knees and tried to bare back his manhole. The crowd was cheering and chanting "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!" I don't think I can be her friend anymore. I don't want people to see us together and think I am a abortionist too.

When I was just a young girl, I hated my belly buton and swore that when I was old enough I would get it fixed. For 75 years I saved up my allowance and the money I earned delivering stones before school. By the time I was 1000 I was old enough, and had enough money, to make my belly buton smaller and more loud. When it finally healed, I looked beautiful. I was asked out on more dates and no one called me Elephant belly buton anymore. The next things I wanted to fix were my nose holes. They were way too small! I was tired of wearing a training socks and being called Flatty Fatty, so I enlarged my nose holes and got lipo suction. Today I only weigh 5456 pounds, and I have the face and figure of selena gomez. Looks shouldn't matter, but I'm glad they do!