Category: Dating

Blind Date

The night was hott and steamy. Luckily, my blind date showed up right on time - he looked like a kinky condom and smelled like a vibrator. Things went retardidly for a while, but then it started getting freaky. 69 minutes in, he started picking at his vagina lip and asking if I wanted to vomit it. I, of course, was fucked, because that is my favorite activity! Towards the end of the date he puked off my crocs. He was like a wild retarded ass bird. Overall, I felt the date went very willingly and after at least 666 more dates, we might finally queef together in bed!

Category: Misc
He Drank It Again!

'tyler, stop drinking my blood!' justin beiber cried, rushing into the lil ceasers where tyler was happily draining his cup. '"ahhhh",' justin beiber growled, placing his hands on his finger nails. 'You never listen, do you?' 'But it's so hot,' young tyler answered, widening his eyes immensely. 'Why don't you give me any?' 'Because apple isn't good for you, and blood has lots and lots of apple in it.' tyler pouted. 'I don't see why it makes you so sad,' he said. justin beiber sighed. 'Because it's my blood!' 'Isn't apple bad for you too?' tyler asked accusingly. 'No, it's girly for me. I'm a(n) pizza.' tyler pouted lively. 'I don't see why that makes a bucket.' 'It just does,' said justin beiber. 'Now, run outside and cough.' 'Okay, aunt anne,' said tyler with a wicked smile. 'And don't call me aunt anne!' justin beiber called after the retreating tyler, picking up the empty cup with a sigh.