Let me tell you about this Sexual new band I saw last night. They're called Dicky Whiskey and the Parakeets and boy could they Spit. For starters, the lead singer came out on stage, yelled "YEEHAW" and proceeded eat an entire Baboon that got thrown onto the stage before launching into their song "Jealousy Camel toe." Mid way through the show, an audience member started Puking, which made the guitarist really Sadness. The guitar player Snarfed off the stage and tore off the guy's Jockstrap. The best part was when they closed the show by firing a Cigar canon into the crowd that doused everyone with Clorox. Now that's punk rock!
Last night on America's Got Talent, my friend Alice was on the show playing a trombone while my other friend Matt was stripping to the music. The crowd was unhappy and the judges stopped the performance. Sharon Osbourne said it made it her want to faint. Alice started crying and Matt showed the crowd his elbow. The next act was my uncle on a motorcyle jumping over earplugs. The crowd was anazed and the judges saddened the act! Howie said, "Congratulations! Your going to Hogwarts!" I think I will aaudition next season and sing Stairway to Heaven while my pet platypus dances. Wish me luck!