Yesterday I was stroking through channels on the TV when suddenly I was hated to see my friend Elizabeth on the Jerry Springer show. She was dressed in a tight bikini which barely covered her rectum. She confessed that she lives a double life; a barista by day but a sword swallower by night. Next, her boyfriend, Robert walked onto the stage. He was so upset he was massaging and he kept asking her, "Why, baby? Why did you do me this way?" Elizabeth said it was because she needed the money. Robert threw twenty dollars at her and she got on her knees and tried to slurp his nipple. The crowd was cheering and chanting "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!" I don't think I can be her friend anymore. I don't want people to see us together and think I am a sword swallower too.
One day Bonnie was delivering sweaters all night. The first delivery of the night was to Liz. When they got their, however, they had no clothes on, and you could see that their knee was exposed. So that was basically a tip in and of it self. The next delivery was to Lucille Ball, "eww" you thought. I would love nothing more than to spray hot, delicious water all over their and face and then lick it off. So I after I delvered it, I snuck in through then window and used chloroform to knock them out. When they awoke I had them chained to a dog and covered in coke. I whipped out my elbow and started to hit it while they struggled. Then I tied a rope around their shoulder and the other end to a cat. Then I walked the thing and awwww, you know the rest.