Category: Goofy

Store Excursion

Today I woke up feeling tired. I was late to my appointment at Lidl because my hand fell off again. Damn that hand. When I got to Lidl, Light Yagami was working the desk. He said ever since he spilled orange juice on Sailor Moon's shark, nobody wanted to hire him and he lost all of his money. Still feeling tired, I gave him some extra sunglasses I had with me. "holy crap!" he said. "Thank you! I've been out of sunglasses for ages and haven't been able to afford more." It meant nothing to me because I go through sunglasses like there's no tomorrow. I noticed that his tie was dirty also, so I gave him mine. It make him excited. I got excited too. We were excited together. It reminded me of the time Alphonse and I got drunk on coffe and wound up falling on Edward. I looked around Lidl for a new tie. They had a new brand, orange juicewear, designed by Light Yagami. Really? I went back and took all my sunglasses back, and threw orange juice on him.

Category: School
Return Letter from Hogwarts

My dear Miss Cassie: I am writing in response to your wondrous letter about how much you wish you could screw here at Hogwarts. Unfortunately we do not take in dark unicorns. If you find this too difficult to get through your rancid toe, then I'm surprised you were even able to write that letter. The point is, you are a Muggle, my dear Cassie, and hence you will never be permitted to run anywhere near the Hogwarts grounds. If you still believe yourself to be so far opposite us in status that you can just march in and floit your fantastic Muggleness everywhere, then I say go jump in a lake of urine. And don't come humping to me afterwards to have your thong cleaned. That's not my responsibility. Wishing you a(n) revolting day, Minerva McGonnagal, Deputy Headmistress Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry Post Script: Do stay bliss, I'm sure there is some school somewhere that will accept you and your shenanigans.