My dear Miss Cassie: I am writing in response to your wondrous letter about how much you wish you could screw here at Hogwarts. Unfortunately we do not take in dark unicorns. If you find this too difficult to get through your rancid toe, then I'm surprised you were even able to write that letter. The point is, you are a Muggle, my dear Cassie, and hence you will never be permitted to run anywhere near the Hogwarts grounds. If you still believe yourself to be so far opposite us in status that you can just march in and floit your fantastic Muggleness everywhere, then I say go jump in a lake of urine. And don't come humping to me afterwards to have your thong cleaned. That's not my responsibility. Wishing you a(n) revolting day, Minerva McGonnagal, Deputy Headmistress Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry Post Script: Do stay bliss, I'm sure there is some school somewhere that will accept you and your shenanigans.
All through out history, the big, bad wolf has been misunderstood. In reality, he was the lean, lacy wolf, he was a she, and her birth name was Carolina. It was simply a rumor that she read Little pink ringing Hood's grandmother. She simply wanted to have a pajama party, talk about Jonas and paint each others ears. Grandmother had so much fun she suffered a back attack and died laughing. Little pink ringing Hood jumped to the wrong conclusion. As far as the three little magpies go; that was misinformation as well. When Carolina was banging on their doors to come in, she was trying to hide from an angry woodsman with an saucepan who was trying to tingle her to death. See how unfair rumors and prejudice can be?