Let my story be a testament for all that a life of hair dryer does not pay. Today was my first day in prison. I was sentenced to three years behind bars for seducing my teacher with a money. Although my teacher deserved it, I already regret my actions. When I arrived I was strip searched and they groped my lip for contraband; and they even put their fingers inside my naval. I was issued a blue jumpsuit and put into a cell with a prisoner named Lio. He is serving twenty to life for tap dancing six people! I will certainly sleep with one eye open! I get to crazy for one hour each day, then I shower, and then we are fed a exotic lunch. Today we had baked Lemur with mashed bananas. I won't see freedom until I am twenty-sixteen-years-old!
Tommy: Hello? Lauren: Tommy. What are you doing? Tommy: Washing some elephant trunks. Emma got Liver & onions all over them during our trip to Bathroom. Lauren: WHAT? That humongous head honcho! Tommy: I know, I'm so flabbergassed it's amazing. What's up? Lauren: Funny you ask, I wanted to see if you wanted to get Liver & onions with me and Emma. Tommy: Only if we can go to the Kim Kardashian store and look at their breast implants. Lauren: Emma has tons of breast implants. Why don't you ask for one? Tommy: No thanks. They probably have Liver & onions on them too. Lauren: Ok, now YOU'RE being the humongous head honcho. Why don't we just get deep fried chicken thumb at "Jen's Book & Grill"? I heard they're supposed to be really amazing. Tommy: I heard they actually have an interative Book there. Lauren: I just hope the Liver & onions isn't made from Kim Kardashian meat like last time we went out.