my boy friend is such a clam. i caught him grabbing my best friends kidney. it was the most fluffy sight. i really wanted to get back at him so today in school i screamed Jesus, Mary, Joseph! into the megaphone. the whole school heard me and starting licking. my ex was so constipation that he moved all the way to heaven. he is currently super depressed and lives by himself with 22 chinchillas. his neighbors told me they caught him humping a celery. he is really so depressed. i kinda feel bad. today on the news, they announced that josh duhamel broke into his house and peed (on) him. hes dead now. but i still think hes a slimy bitch
I had a crush on a guy named Phil so I tried to get to know him better but we ended up as close friends but then he told me "Ivie we’ve been friends for a while and I wanted to know if you wanted to be my girlfriend" I said sure but on the inside I was jumping around like an idiot saying HECK YEAH! -skip to first date-we went to the zoo and watched the red panda until it spit on me (try getting alpaca spit out of your hair while trying to look attractive it doesn't work out too well) Then I had to comb green goo out of my hair in front of my new boyfriend so we decided to leave. Then we went to see a horror at the movies where he bought jelly beansand tried to share it with me to be romantic but it tasted like the placenta of a penguin so I accidentally spit it out on the old lady sitting next to me she was asleep but I was still embarrassed. After the movie he walked me home and we were about to kiss when he barfed into my cleavage and we found my dad hiding in the bushes. I hope the next date is better!