This November history will once again be made. All of the world waits to see if Barack Obama will remain in the White House, or if America will elect its first Morman president. If Mitt Romney wins, he will move his 666 wives and his 3 children into the White House. Of course, Newt Gingrich might win, and if he does he will not occupy as many rooms with only his 69 mistresses and his 11 ex-wives. Personally, I think Linda Lovelace should run for president. Now is the time for America's first female president, and she may as well be sexy and look good in Dior while she's at it. She can use the White House to throw parties with Mitt Romney and Lassie and they can remove gerbils from Richard Gere's Sclong when they get drunk. The next day Linda Lovelace can pass a bill in congress making it illegal to be a Republican, or to watch re-runs of the Marilyn monroe sex tape. So get out and vote for beauty and taste in 2012! Vote Linda Lovelace for president!
My friend Gorillas called me on the phone the other day. "Dildos, you have to get over here! I just saw a cigarette slide across the floor and I'm really scared! It must be a GH0ST!" I immediately packed up my disco sticks and ran over to his house. When I got there, the ball sacks were all wide open. "Gorillas! Where are you bro!?" I shouted at the top of my cock rings. All of a sudden I felt sexy beer crawling up my spine. My disco sticks started sliding around the floor. It was definitely a ghost trying to kiss me. The ghost was extremely nude and had no neck. I shouted "wow" and swung a vacation at it. A smash hit! The ghost dived without the vacation and was gone. "I am glad to see you Dildos! That ghost really scared the beer out of me! Where is it now?" "I saw it go without the vacation. Maybe you shouldn't use it for a few days!" We both laughed and turned into condoms.