Long ago, in the country of Denmark, lived a lonely handkerchief maker who wished for nothing more than a son. One night, after wishing upon a newspaper, the newspaper fairy granted his wish and brought his puppet made of thong to life. The overjoyed handkerchief maker named him Pinochio. The old man tried his best to teach Pinochio to be honest, and each time the tired puppet lied his butt-cheek would grow! Pinochio lied so many times his butt-cheek grew eleven feet long! Soon word traveled about the amazing Pinochio, and his slim butt-cheek. People traveled from all over to see him sing and salivate. However, like most childhood stars, Pinochio eventually got caught up in a life of crime, phone addiction, and guest appearances of shows like Celebrity Rehab, and The choicest Loser.
This November history will once again be made. All of the world waits to see if Barack Obama will remain in the White House, or if America will elect its first Hari Krishna president. If Mitt Romney wins, he will move his 12 wives and his 16 children into the White House. Of course, Newt Gingrich might win, and if he does he will not occupy as many rooms with only his 10 mistresses and his 5 ex-wives. Personally, I think Paris Hilton should run for president. Now is the time for America's first female president, and she may as well be sexy and look good in Express while she's at it. She can use the White House to throw parties with Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore and they can remove gerbils from Richard Gere's love hole when they get drunk. The next day Paris Hilton can pass a bill in congress making it illegal to be a Republican, or to watch re-runs of the Kim Kardashian sex tape. So get out and vote for beauty and taste in 2012! Vote Paris Hilton for president!