Category: Music

Now That's Punk Rock!

Let me tell you about this pretty new band I saw last night. They're called Dog-Azz Canada and the monkies and boy could they lick. For starters, the lead singer came out on stage, yelled "OH YEAAAAHHHH!!!" and proceeded eat an entire horse that got thrown onto the stage before launching into their song "shitty left-butt-cheek." Mid way through the show, an audience member started shitting, which made the guitarist really happy. The guitar player cooked off the stage and tore off the guy's underware. The best part was when they closed the show by firing a Wal-Mart canon into the crowd that doused everyone with piss. Now that's punk rock!

Category: Misc
Tristan Goes To Jail - Part 3

Tristan looks around his cell and sees the ghost of Paul Walker murder a gay lawyer, his dying last words being "Don't forget to include your monkey". Tristan freaks out "I can't die in here! I haven't had the chance to sell the biggest ball of chewing gum on the planet!" He tries to break the bars with his shy football, but to no avail. Tristan breaks down, crying like a Koala. The cop from before comes by and says "Hey, Casanova. If you want out, it's gonna cost you." Tristan says "I'll do anything, I'm so Creepy." The cop says "Okay, I'll let you go if you Run my Feather." Tristan Carelessly agrees and does it. To be concluded...