My friend Ellie and I decided to audition for American Idol. I chose the song Peponi and she sang Stronger . Randy loved my audition and said it was smelly . Steve Tyler said I am a very pretty performer. The guest judge, Emeli Sande , said "You have my vote!" I was so licked I started singing . My friend Ellie wasn't as lucky. Randy said she sings like a dancing monkey . Steve Tyler said she reminded him of a dolphin in labor. Emeli Sande was kinder and simply told her "Keep sleeping and try again next year." I'm going to Florida so make sure you vote for me, everybody!
My dear Miss Verity: I am writing in response to your royal letter about how much you wish you could rule here at Hogwarts. Unfortunately we do not take in appropriate tadpoles. If you find this too difficult to get through your weird mouth, then I'm surprised you were even able to write that letter. The point is, you are a Muggle, my dear Verity, and hence you will never be permitted to read anywhere near the Hogwarts grounds. If you still believe yourself to be so far beside us in status that you can just march in and floit your naked Muggleness everywhere, then I say go jump in a lake of carrot juice. And don't come scratching to me afterwards to have your slipper cleaned. That's not my responsibility. Wishing you a(n) meagre day, Minerva McGonnagal, Deputy Headmistress Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry Post Script: Do stay sad, I'm sure there is some school somewhere that will accept you and your shenanigans.