Yesterday I was Sucking through channels on the TV when suddenly I was delighted to see my friend Leanna on the Jerry Springer show. She was dressed in a tight Bikini which barely covered her butt cheek. She confessed that she lives a double life; a plastic surgeon by day but a abortionist by night. Next, her boyfriend, Ellis walked onto the stage. He was so upset he was diving and he kept asking her, "Why, baby? Why did you do me this way?" Leanna said it was because she needed the money. Ellis threw nine dollars at her and she got on her knees and tried to bare back his manhole. The crowd was cheering and chanting "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!" I don't think I can be her friend anymore. I don't want people to see us together and think I am a abortionist too.
Aquarius: You may be kissed by a charming friend. Although your nature is to be trusting, don't forget to wear to a condom! Leo: You may feel lucky and give into your urge to gamble. Beware; the car is not in your favor. You may loose all of your chickens and your friends won't feel sorry for you. Virgo: This month you will seem love on the outside but you will feel anger on the inside. Try to relax. Now is a good time to take a trip to Stilwater or watch a police carwith a good friend. Gemini: If you think we can't see what you're doing; think again. We know how you crapped Shaundi when you thought no one was around. We also know that you kissed that poor little horse when you thought you were alone. Bad, Gemini! Bad! Aries: You better wrap it up or you're gonna get knocked up! That's right, you need to use protection this month. If you don't get knocked up, you'll definintly catch AIDs. The best way to avoid trouble is to go dead in your bedroom until next month.