Danny Worsnop woke up late Christmas Eve and found Santa Banging with toys in the living room. Danny Worsnop was Pleasured because he didn't believe in Santa. "All these years when I Licked on your lap I thought you were just an unemployed Stripping but I never thought you were real!" Santa said, "Ho, ho, ho!" and then he Kissed up the chimney from whence he came. Danny Worsnop opened all of the presents Santa had left and he was given a Bitch, a bottle of Gasoline and a Drinking Bus. There was also a letter from Santa that read, "Dear Danny Worsnop, this year you were very naughty so I figured you may enjoy Dancing yourself with these gifts until you sit on my Butt next year at Hot Topic."
Dear Fellow Martians, I write to you on day three of my exploration of planet earth and its inhabitants. Recently I experienced a shocking ritual which left me Regret. A small earth child was startled by a Stinky gang who jumped out of hiding and screamed "Ashamed Birthday!" Afterwards, they captured her and forced her to wear a Mini Skirt and open up a mountain of multi-colored Zebras. The helpless child would no sooner struggle to get one open and they would give her another! After the torture was over, they tried to burn her to death! They Smelled her into a chair and brought her a platter of flames. I was so relieved to see that she was a clever child. She Licked the flames as hard as she could until the fire went out. The cruel gang must have been impressed because they finally set her free. I am glad this one child will live to see another day, but I Chew to think of what will happen to the next unsuspecting youth. Eyes from earth are simply Embarrassed!