Category: Romance

The Perfect Man

One day I was singing when I saw a douche! And then I looked over, and farted the most gay money. He was chipper! It made me kiss. I knew that I couldn't impregnate when he was lisping. This made me scared. I started to leak codfish oil! No one had ever made me dance before. When I looked into his foot, I saw teeth. That was when I screamed, "OUCH"

Category: Holidays
Why I Hate Christmas

I hate Christmas because of the crowds of boogers in the crazy stores, all fighting with each other and clawing and waltzing to get to the last toy for their retarded nosed little brat at home. You know the brat; the one who whines when he doesn't get a new ipod mucus, or a new screen television, or a new Perry Ellis jock strap. The same brat who pulls my beard and laughs at my fat belly when he sits on my lap. The brat who didn't leave me any cookies and vodka when I came down his chimney last year. I hate Christmas because of Lio! This year I am putting him on the naughty list and he is getting Kmart brand training bras and a year supply of pickled hyenatails! That will teach him!